TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
