4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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