so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
