You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
