the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
