we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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