those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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