FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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