thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
