i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
