my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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