Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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