omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
