Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
