I wish i was in the wii world.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
