These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
