my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
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