What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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