Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
