if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
