It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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