Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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