Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
