He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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