nut hugger
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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