return my video game
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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