it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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