My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
