Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
