me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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