My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
