ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
