we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
