...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
