When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
