I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
