god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
