Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize