she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
