I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
