somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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