Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
