Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize