You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
