Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
