On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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