OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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