Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
