This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize