I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
