who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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