JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
