Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
