i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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