I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize