Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize