she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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