its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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