true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
