Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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