i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think your dad took our porno
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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