I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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